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Without self-acceptance any attempt at growth and transformation, even while parenting, can easily become a path to self-judgments and another yardstick against which to measure ourselves as falling short. Instead, we can practice 1 minute a day or more, or while doing other tasks, to develop the self-compassion and self-acceptance needed to grow both new habits and our capacity to meet our children with calm and compassion.

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment, from which next steps can arise.

Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help.

When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions and dialogue may support us.

When you don't have a sense of being heard you can apply skills to help you can interrupt cycles of reactivity and resentment, and create connection. Let's look at six ways that will support you in being heard. These are clarity about the topic and needs; supportive conditions; respect for autonomy; sharing your intention; attending to emotional security; and making clear requests.

Practice making requests for feedback, clarity, and action. Opportunities for making requests might be when you expected something different from what you got, were treated undesirably, and noticed inner constriction or reactivity. Identify observations, feelings, and values to support finding the request. Ensure your request states what you want, is specific, names the present-tense action, and that you're open to feedback.

Integrating a full living involves grief/mourning and gratitude. Here we'll more deeply integrate inner and outer dimensions of gratitude and grief. In any experience there's the outer aspect, an event that occurs in life. And there's the inner response to the outer event. When we judge the outer positively or negatively we're in tension or resistance to our experience. Here we'll explore a more integrated mode of experiencing.

Here are some questions to support you in exploring your connection to life, your life purpose. Here we briefly touch upon what blocks you, your gratitude, strengths, passions, and what you are committed to.

With these practices make space before reacting to emotion or external stimulus. This can enable your capacity to respond from your self-connection to universally shared values. With practice you can create the capacity to temporarily put impulsiveness aside, in the service of connection with yourself and others, and in service of more informed and effective strategies.

Judging or criticizing others indicates pain, unmet needs and a coping strategy. It distracts you from yourself and can give you the illusion of control. You may think you see more than they do, imagining criticism will bring change. But even a correct analysis won’t inspire change if they hear criticism. Instead, the moment you notice judgments or criticism turn towards yourself with compassion. What are your feelings and needs?

Sharing more vulnerably provides opportunities for fulfilling connection. As social beings we rely on feedback to see our effect on others. We can get that feedback through body language, facial cues and words. To expand your capacity to share more vulnerably you can create supportive conditions and timing. You can ask for feedback by making in-the-moment requests of others and yourself before and after you share.

Connecting with self and other is key to care and creativity. Before dialogue connect with your intention and needs for being with grief, fear or pain, and empathy. Dialogue when you're both rested, fed, and have spaciousness. Start by expressing care and desire to find mutually satisfying solutions. To deepen connection you may repeat what you hear and ask the other person to do the same.

When there's quality connection then collaboration and creativity generosity of heart can come. Then strategies honoring everyone’s needs are easier. This requires us to trust connection, hear needs, brainstorm, experiment, prepare, and hold confidence that everyone’s needs can be met. Needs-based negotiation starts there. What derails this? Feeling urgency, listening from our (dis)likes or opinions, and dire predictions.

With practice we can prevent reactivity from overtaking and harming: notice signs of reactivity, bring compassion to it, see reactivity as the misperception of threat and a distortion of what's happening, plus engage and pursue connection and the clarity to weaken reactive impulses. In taking responsibility like this overtime, you can live from your values and from care. And life can get easier for you and others around you.

Enmeshment refers to confusion about who is responsible for what. This lack of clear boundaries results in attempts to manage the other person's experience as a substitute for managing your own. When you think you're contributing to another person, but you're actually acting from enmeshment, there's inner tension and contraction. Read on for 16 common signs of enmeshment so that you can know when to pause and connect to your needs.

When we care about our cause and want to mitigate disaster, we may become reactive. However, transformation comes through connection, rather than convincing, judging, criticising, controlling, and making demands of others. To inspire change, get curious about how they relate to the topic – and get support for yourself elsewhere to process grief, become more present and compassionate, speak self-responsibly, and make requests.

When someone behaves in a way that you may label convincing, cajoling, guilt-tripping, threatening, analyzing, or criticizing, you may be tempted to guess they have a "need" for control. Instead, name what this person is doing that isn't meeting your needs. If it is a true need your heart will have softened. If you feel resentment or resistance, you are likely making a judgment rather than guessing what they are needing.

To learn to identify and speak from your needs requires specific tasks and practices. Here's a list of 10 learning tasks and practices for you to choose from. Some of these ideas include using needs cards and lists, working backwards from strategies and ideal scenarios, reflecting on past experiences and relationships, and asking for/offering/exchanging empathy.

Anger matters because it can let you know that you perceive a threat to universal need for yourself or someone else. It can draw your attention to something so that you can take effective action. Anger becomes a hindrance when you amp it up with your thoughts about what should(n't) happen. Instead, notice any "should" thoughts, see anger as a signal, accept that it's okay to have it, and look for feelings and needs underneath it.

When someone stimulates your pain, you may want them to express care and empathy for your experience. If they're unwilling, you may resent it. You may forget the power of many strategies to meet a need, and you lose your agency. This can lead to reactive habits in you -- such as pleading, demanding, or attacking. Here are reasons you may not be getting an apology or empathy, and what options you have in moving forward.