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  1. Specificity Is the Key

    Specificity Is the Key

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/2/2020

    Trainer Tip: If you make a specific and doable request as soon as you notice your needs, you'll have a better possibility of getting them met. It's also more likely your request will support the other person to contribute to your life. Make at least one specific, doable request of someone today as soon as you notice your needs.

  2. Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

    Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/25/2019

    There are three things you can do to sort inner conflict and make doable, sustainable agreements with yourself. This capacity can build trust with yourself to follow through, and to develop diverse and creative solutions -- thereby increasing confidence and ease.

  3. Creating Real Challenges—Are you Game?

    Creating Real Challenges—Are you Game?

    Martha Lasley

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 10/21/209

    A challenge is an expansion of making a clear, positive doable request — and, when given, the person feels deeply seen by the challenger. A challenge isn't just about getting someone to take action on something important to them; it's a fierce form of empathy that supports people in connecting with their life force, and integrates it into their lives with action. A real challenge is tied to the receiver's goals, passions and dreams -- and expands their potential.

  4. Timing of a request

    Timing of a request

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/14/2021

    Trainer Tip: Stating our observations, feelings and needs can still be heard as criticism if we don't follow it up right away with a specific, doable request. Ending your statement with a request for what you want can clarify the situation and reduce the chances that you'll be met with defensiveness. Read on for an example.

  5. The Timing of Making A Request

    The Timing of Making A Request

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/12/2021

    It's important to make requests specific and doable. Also, without a swift request immediately after we state our observation, feeling, and need in regard to the situation, the other person is left guessing what we want. Instead, a swift request can bring clarity and lessen the potential for the listener to become defensive or argue.

  6. NVC LIfe Hacks 11

    NVC LIfe Hacks 11

    Effective Requests

    Shantigarbha Warren

    Video · 4 minutes · 01/25/2019

    Underlying much of our communication is a request: when we say something, we're usually expecting something else — perhaps something subtle — in return. Let's look at how to make requests clearer and more do-able, avoiding the pitfall of demands.

  7. Asking to be Known

    Asking to be Known

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 7 - 12 minutes · 7/1/2019

    There are various ways to be known. Learn how to engage and make clear requests accordingly. This includes getting clear in yourself about what exactly you want known; communicating how important it is to you; sharing examples in your life of being known; requesting and negotiating from the energy of the met need; letting the other person know whether or not the relationship is really sustainable for you if the need goes unmet long-term; and checking the other person's capacity.

  8. Keys To Building Trust After Broken Agreements

    Keys To Building Trust After Broken Agreements

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 1/1/2022

    Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help.

  9. Tips on Making a Request

    Tips on Making a Request

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/20/2014

    Trainer Tip: Mary offers 3 foundational tips for making requests: positivity, specificity and doability.

  10. Find Agency With “Falling Out of Love”

    Find Agency With “Falling Out of Love”

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 10/10/2023

    "Falling out of love" is a misleading concept that can lead to feelings of helplessness in relationships. The initial intense phase of love gradually gives way to the need for intentional effort and communication. Unrealistic relationship expectations can erode connection, causing the perception of falling out of love. To address this, we can ask key questions and seek clarity to attend to unmet needs and maintain a healthy connection.

  11. Confidentiality Agreement

    Confidentiality Agreement

    Miki Kashtan

    Trainer Tips · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Ask the Trainer: "A participant in our beginners' NVC practice group asked the co-facilitators if there was a confidentiality agreement that was typically used in NVC practice groups?"

  12. Clarifying Our Requests to Meet Our Needs

    Clarifying Our Requests to Meet Our Needs

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 8/9/2014

    Trainer Tip: Clarifying our requests can make the difference between frustration and satisfaction, Mary shows you how.

  13. Mediating with a Group

    Mediating with a Group

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/29/2019

    Trainer Tip: People struggle to come to agreement when they don’t feel heard. So as a mediator, facilitate the process by asking all parties to reflect the essence of what's important to other parties. This is critical. Once everyone is confident that their needs have been heard, you'll notice the energy in the room relaxing. Then you can brainstorm strategies that will value everyone’s needs, and are focused on what they want to happen.

  14. Trainer Tip: Making a request is critical because it can greatly lessen any tension in the situation. Plus, it can clarify for you and the people in your life what it would take to meet your need. Make at least one specific and doable request to someone today.

  15. What is Nonviolent Communication?

    What is Nonviolent Communication?

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/26/2020

    Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at least two of your interactions.

  16. Honesty Is the Key

    Honesty Is the Key

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/6/2021

    Trainer Tip: In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and a chance for others to support us in getting our needs met -- this can flourish and deepen our relationships. We can notice and act on opportunities to be honest with the components of OFNR (Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests).

  17. In this book excerpt, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between universal needs and strategies.

  18. Making Requests Count

    Making Requests Count

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 5/16/2022

    Trainer Tip: A request completes the communication by stating specifically what we would like from someone else to meet our need. Without this clarity, our communication can be confusing and can easily be seen as a demand. When people know what you want, you have a better chance of meeting your needs. Make clear, specific, doable requests of people, and see if this increases the chance of meeting your needs. Read on for an example.

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