Search the NVC Library

Distinguishing between needs and strategies to meet needs is crucial for solving conflict. For example, the need for peace can be met through various strategies beyond solitude or gratitude. Similarly, sex is a strategy. Sexual expression is the need behind it, and can be met in various ways to meet that need without having sex itself. Such flexibility can foster  creativity and deeper connection, enhancing relationships.

Our brains often quickly categorizes things as good, bad, right, or wrong and then determines who’s to blame or praise. Maybe this  supports the illusion of order and predictability, thus provides a false sense of safety and reassurance. But its less effective in truly meeting our needs. By practicing "Living in the Observation," we can focus on reality, avoid unhelpful rumination, and find peace and empowerment in everyday life.

These mindful inquiry exercises and tips are for enhancing self-empathy, and empathy for others. Using emotions and needs card decks provided, learn to reflect and enhance trust and connection through intentional practice.

CNVC Certified Trainer Shantigarbha Warren offers a report of his recent NVC training trip to Israel/Palestine, India and Sri Lanka and clarifies how NVC can support social change in three very different contexts. Included is an exercise, based on Gandhi’s teaching.

When someone expresses upset about our actions, and we focus on our intention being seen and understood (e.g. "I didn’t mean to hurt you”) it doesn't support the speaker in being heard more deeply with care. Here we'll explore this dynamic in a way that supports more clarity and the possibility of greater personal liberation. Read on for more.

When we're judging we're less able to access both what we care about and constructive next actions. Instead, create more internal space and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects make requests or take aligned action that works for all.

Explore whether bribery works for compliance and learn five common motives behind our actions.

Ask the Trainer: Understanding your needs behind using protective force with children.

Ask the Trainer: Can all needs be met when illness limits the capacity of one person to meet the needs of her partner?

Ask the Trainer: How do I respond to people who believe that consequences are necessary to change behavior?

CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan talks about what she calls "witnessing humanity," touching on the gift of presence, empathy vs. identification and staying present in the face of intensity.

Miki Kashtan hosted Living Room Radio Show on KPFA Radio 94.1FM in Berkeley, California, USA. Listen as she works with a a woman whose relationship is challenged by what happens when her lover drinks. In this segment, Miki encourages the caller to get support for her stress, find an outlet for it and receive empathy. Miki addresses the challenges of addiction, the self-judgment of trying to meet needs by drinking and the pain this causes for everyone involved. She further suggests that the caller try to connect to the needs he is trying to meet by drinking, and to identify those that are actually being met and those that aren’t.

Join CNVC Certified Trainer Mary Mackenzie to learn a few of her tried-and-true simple Self-Empathy techniques, especially focused on the challenges of the holiday season.

In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, offers a profound insight that can change how we see and relate to our children.

What parent hasn't experienced a surge of protectiveness when your child hurts their sibling? Our cultural training calls us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who was wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police, enforcing the consequences. These thankless jobs often result in frustration, resentment, pain, for all. Read on for an example of how empathy transformed a child's impulse to hit another child.

In this brief audio snippet, CNVC Certified Trainer and founder of the CNVC Parenting Project, Inbal Kashtan, explores observation in contrast to interpretation, and leads an exercise in observation skills.

How we deal with “no” is a litmus test of our state of consciousness around power. Listen as John works with participants as they learn to give and receive a "no" from a consciousness of interpersonal connection.

In this brief audio segment, Miki works with a woman whose teenage daughter rejects her use of NVC, guiding her in a process of self-awareness and acceptance.