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  1. avoidance

    System Administrator

    · 01 minute · 7/28/2010

    The complete description for this learning resource will be added following the focus group.

  2. Avoiding “Right Fights”

    Avoiding “Right Fights”

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/5/2014

    Trainer Tip: Ready to start a fight because you're right? Consider another strategy.

  3. avoidant

    System Administrator

    · 2 - 5 minutes · 7/28/2010

    Often when someone else does something we don't like, it's easy to blame the other person. After all, we have all been trained to focus on fault when needs are not met. What can we do to shift that pattern?

  4. Making Requests and Avoiding Demands

    Making Requests and Avoiding Demands

    Sylvia Haskvitz

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 10 minutes · 07/18/2021

    Sylvia Haskvitz offers a practical and effective approach to making requests. Learn the two questions that can clarify your motivation for making a request, three ways to discern a request from a demand, and five possible reasons for meeting requests.

  5. Join Eric, as he reveals a clear path from heartbreaking intimate relationships to joyful, thriving intimate relationships. Eric uses his passion for helping singles heal from their past relationships, to help you to experience more ease, joy and mutuality in future relationships.

  6. Complex Truth-Telling And Empowered Change

    Complex Truth-Telling And Empowered Change

    Sarah Peyton

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 09/05/2023

    When avoidance coping or positive thinking sidesteps challenges, internal and external injustice and unrest also rises as we sidestep our values and integrity. It leaves us in sadness and distress. What's unacknowledged impacts ourselves and others undesirably. To live nonviolently we need to be in touch with what's real. With resonance we can more likely be with what's true, and trust our resilience and inner alignment.

  7. You Suck At Conflict

    You Suck At Conflict

    Alan Rafael Seid

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/23/2022

    Avoiding conflict is an even greater issue than having conflict. Not being as competent at conflict we avoid it. And in many cases that creates more conflict. Conflict is inevitable because we have different perspectives. Conflict is not bad. It is an opportunity for increased connection, intimacy, joy, and creative win-win solutions. Instead of avoiding conflict, we can work on increasing our skill in handling conflict.

  8. From Personal to Global Trauma

    From Personal to Global Trauma

    The Through-Line

    Sarah Peyton

    Articles · 6 - 9 minutes · 8/1/2022

    Our everyday personal experiences of diminishment, and the destruction of our planet has a through-line. Societal traumas lead to us shutting down to avoid pain, and this limits us. The avoidance shifts our brains so we don’t see other beings, species and our planet as wondrous, precious and irreplaceable. Thus, we meet others with diminishment, oblivion, or abuse; trauma keeps passing on. This leads to being blind and mute, and to othering based on social location, and to destruction of our planet.

  9. See Old Relationship Dynamics In Intimate Relationships

    See Old Relationship Dynamics In Intimate Relationships

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 6/4/2023

    Learn how unconscious impulses can lead to depleting patterns. Here, we look at two forms of reactive attempts we may use to avoid future pain, and how to make conscious decisions instead. Read on for questions that can help us see if we're making decisions from a grounded place, such as taking time to reflect on values, receive support from others, and getting curious about others' views.

  10. What is Nonviolent Communication?

    What is Nonviolent Communication?

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 10/26/2020

    Trainer tip: NVC focuses on shared human values and needs, and encourages the use of language that increases good will -- plus avoidance of language that contributes to resentment or lowered self-esteem. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. For today, focus on making observations without moralistic judgment in at least two of your interactions.

  11. Searching Together For A Way Forward

    Searching Together For A Way Forward

    John Kinyon

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/27/2022

    It's tempting to shut down a heated conversation when it’s painful and overwhelming. What can give us strength to stay open to hearing and being moved, to being open to new possibility, is recalling the “triad of conversation.” The triad is self and other and then awareness on the third side of the conversation. Here we can return to connection, to what we share and need in common, to a searching together for the way forward.

  12. When supporting someone with less privilege, first check with them how you can support.  If you're reacting more strongly to their undesirable experience than they are, this then shifts the dynamic so that they're setting aside what they want to attend to your feelings and needs - this may become work that they didn't sign up for.  Read on for what to do instead to support more equity.

  13. Don't Take It Personally

    Don't Take It Personally

    Rachelle Lamb

    Articles · 10 - 15 minutes · 12/17/2018

    When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.

  14. The Shadow Side of Autonomy

    The Shadow Side of Autonomy

    Rachelle Lamb

    Articles · 8 - 12 minutes · 12/21/2018

    Could our "need for autonomy" be getting in the way of "partnership consciousness" (as NVC is sometimes called). Could "autonomy" also block healthy relationships with not only ourselves and with others, but also with the planet? This article invites us to consider how "autonomy" may colour our NVC practice at the peril of our critical values. Values such as our care for impact, shared responsibility, interdependence, compassion, consideration, and more...

  15. Creating an Internal Secure Base

    Creating an Internal Secure Base

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 5 - 8 minutes · 7/19/2019

    We each hold an internal model or set of expectations about how caring and comfort could be accessed in relationship. The ability to reflect upon and challenge our own dominant model of perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors --and to experience discomfort and vulnerability-- is a key feature of "security". If not, an "attachment reactivity" arises -- where sense of insecurity, separateness, and belief that love, and acceptance can't be trusted nor accessed reliably. Thus change would require intensive support. Here's a guide to help you reflect and access change.

  16. When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it.

  17. Enriching Life

    Enriching Life

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 1/2/2023

    Trainer Tip: If you are motivated by fear, guilt, blame or shame, your actions will usually be motivated by avoiding pain. The best way to experience permanent, lifelong change is to focus on how your life will improve when you make a change. Notice when you attempt to motivate yourself and others with guilt, blame, or shame today, and then look for motivations that enrich life instead.

  18. Finding Courage

    Finding Courage

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 2 - 4 minutes · 6/19/2019

    Telling yourself to be a certain way or have more of a certain quality (like courage), is a set-up for self-criticism and possibly freezing or avoiding. Instead, access effective action by asking yourself questions like: "If I could be or have that, what actions would be different inside or out?" "If I could be or have that, what needs would be met and knowing those are the needs, what could I do or ask for that would meet those needs?"

  19. NVC Life Hacks 15

    NVC Life Hacks 15

    Scary Honesty

    Shantigarbha Warren

    Video · 4 minutes · 01/02/2022

    It's normal for us to keep something inside, avoiding sharing it with someone else as the risk may feel too high. Maybe they will reject me, or be offended and not speak to me again? It can be difficult to know when to share your truth and when to keep it inside. In this episode we layout some useful strategies that will help you speak your truth, while still keeping the connection.

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