I’m Jeff Brown, Executive Director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Mary asked me to be a guest writer for this newsletter, and it’s allowed me to look deeply at the role NVC plays in my life, personally and professionally— especially in running a successful NVC organization. 

As the director of an NGO, I am grateful to have learned Nonviolent Communication. I utilize the principles constantly, and I’m not sure how I would survive without them.

I frequently hear stakeholders say, “Jeff, this situation is urgent and important,” usually about multiple different situations. Sometimes, they add, “our organization is not walking our talk — we are out of alignment with what we say we value — inclusion, everyone mattering, and integrity!”

Thankfully, before responding, I often remember to use self-empathy to connect to what matters to me, such as contributing to others, being seen for my intentions, and building an organization that stands the test of time.

In addition, I have a longing for empathy; to be heard and “gotten” by others about my experience, unadulterated by what others think my experience ought to be. Therefore, I constantly turn to trusted sources for empathy.

Finally, I regularly practice mourning, accepting that I am unable to attend to all of the things that are important to everyone. Often, I long for the same things but I don’t know what to do. Therefore, I allow myself to feel the depth of my sadness and longing, and to accept my own limitations and the obstacles I am facing outside of me. In the process, I gain energy.

After self-empathy, empathy from others, and mourning, I respond to the requests from the vantage point of both personal needs and the organization’s needs. This is a vexing concept because some people reject the notion that organizations can have needs, instead believing that needs live only inside of individuals.

In a way, I agree. After all, organizations are made up of people, and without people infusing energy into them, organizations cease to exist. However, I also know that organizations require resources and I believe it is imperative to acknowledge that the energy of needs runs through organizations (groups of people bonded by a shared purpose) in a similar way that needs enliven individuals. 

When I operate in a complex system, I want to expand into another conscious level of holding needs -- the “needs of the whole.” I place my attention on a broader common purpose -- the reason we have all chosen to be part of the organization in the first place. After all, any organization is a strategy for meeting needs, including the Center for Nonviolent Communication, for which I am the Executive Director.

Not only is it impractical when leading organizations to connect with each person’s needs individually, but even if there were enough time, it would miss the mark. Instead, my goal as a leader is to focus on the shared purpose and to continually shine the light on the organization’s mission and vision.

Each person still has the same needs as ever, but we are not together as part of a personal relationship, but rather to contribute to the evolution of the organization we are both part of. Thus, I keep the focus on how I can help the organization advance its mission and vision, which includes caring for everyone’s needs as relevant to the purpose of being together.

This is not to say that I ignore needs at the individual level; connecting to what is alive in us provides the needed fuel to pursue the shared purpose. Therefore, my mantra as a leader is, “Yes to individual needs, yes to organizational needs, and let’s keep our eyes on the shared purpose that brought us together in this place.” 

When I keep my attention here, I move the needle in helping to create a world in which everyone’s needs matter and are met through compassionate giving, as articulated by the creator of NVC, Marshall Rosenberg.

~ Jeff Brown, guest author, Executive Director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication