Ask the Trainer: “I would like some suggestions on how to interact with a member of the practice group I started. This individual speaks and acts in a manner I interpret as angry and controlling.” Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I would like some suggestions on how to interact with a member of the practice group I started. This individual speaks and acts in a manner I interpret as angry and controlling, and not aligned with the principles of Nonviolent Communication. Recently I requested that he not use the term “NVC” in sending out emails about our practice meetings, citing the guidelines offered on the CNVC website. He responded to a CNVC staff member and myself using words I interpret as angry and hostile. The staff member responded to both of us by commenting that his words stimulated “a strong sense of anger and annoyance, needs for respect and consideration not being met.” I’d appreciate some empathy and suggestions for how I can take care of myself and how I can further cultivate NVC skills in relation to this individual. Thanks for any help! —G.M., USA Trainer Answer Dear G.M., Following are my reflections in relationship to your question: Start with Self-Empathy "I would like some suggestions on how to interact with a member of the practice group I started. This individual speaks and acts in a manner I interpret as angry and controlling, and not aligned with the principles of nonviolent communication." I guess that this can feel quite scary as you want to create a safe group? And maybe you are vulnerable in the position of leading a practice group because you need support in that situation? Other than checking with yourself and what you need empathy for, I’d also sort out what exact observations you can find behind what you word as: Find the Observations "This individual speaks and acts in a manner I interpret as angry and controlling, and not aligned with the principles of Nonviolent Communication." Finding the observations can many times give me clarity about what more is going on in me so that I can connect deeper with myself—get more centered. When the observations are clear I can usually get more clarity about what to request that would better meet my needs in the situation. Honor Guidelines and Connect with Needs "Recently I requested that he not use the term “NVC” in sending out emails about our practice meetings, citing the guidelines offered on the CNVC website. He responded to a CNVC staff member and myself using words I interpret as angry and hostile. The staff member responded to both of us by commenting that his words stimulated… a strong sense of anger and annoyance, needs for respect and consideration not being met." I’m glad to see that you want to honor the guidelines that CNVC has requested about sharing NVC. I also want to check if you have taken any time to connect to what needs the person was trying to meet in sending the emails? To contribute maybe? To have this need be explicitly understood might be crucial to this person and might help you connect with the person. I hope this is of some help. —Liv Larsson, Sweden Keywords: feelings self empathy anger teaching NVC Group Facilitation Tips facilitation facilitator teaching NVC groups sharing NVC intensity rage observation Liv Larsson