Yvette Erasmus shares her interpretation of the difference between "faux" feelings and feelings. "Faux" feelings imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame.
This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”
We typically think of certain words as feelings when they can be judgements (eg. “abandoned”). Hidden within evaluative/judgement words are true feelings and needs (eg. if we think we’re abandoned we may feel lonely or hurt, and want togetherness or belonging). With this handout discover more hidden feelings and needs within the judgements that sound like feelings. Then download the card deck to further practice and learn.
Trainer tip: Beware that your expression of feelings helps you own how you feel, rather than blaming the other person for doing something you see as wrong. Expressing your feelings helps the other person know how deeply this issue affects you. Plus it can bring more clarity and connection to all parties. Read on for more.
Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations.
