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  1. Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

    Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 8/21/2019

    Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to creating empathic connection.

  2. Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection.

  3. Understanding Arguments Against NVC

    Understanding Arguments Against NVC

    Elia Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 7/20/2022

    Even those who practice NVC can repeat old patterns of thinking, believing, feeling, and behaving. If they do, but still use ‘NVC language’ others may think the issue is NVC rather than the person’s capacity. This week, notice even a small instance where someone is against something you suggest. To build trust and connection, experiment with offering empathy or asking them to share what they think, feel, or need.

  4. How To Stop Arguing

    How To Stop Arguing

    Oren Jay Sofer

    Articles · 9 - 13 minutes · 9/27/2021

    Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one step at a time.

  5. Making Sure We Are Heard

    Making Sure We Are Heard

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 6/16/2019

    Trainer Tip: We all see through our own filters. To disentangle what we hear from some is really saying, check using understanding requests at the level of detail you need. Course correct along the way. In a charged situation this can be critical to bringing in clarity, being heard and resolving differences amicably.

  6. The Power of Silent Empathy

    The Power of Silent Empathy

    Rita Herzog

    Articles · 1 page · 7/29/2010

    When Rita first learned about silent empathy she didn't know how soon she'd try it out. She was visiting her daughter and making comments about her life, analyzing her behavior, giving her unsolicited view on everything.

  7. I Want To Connect More Than I Want To Be Right

    I Want To Connect More Than I Want To Be Right

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 1/7/2022

    Trainer Tip: We have a better chance of getting our needs met if we prioritize connecting with one another's needs more than being right. This way we can reduce the chances of conflict arising. We also increase the possibility we can find ways everyone’s needs can be met.

  8. Patterns That Perpetuate Conflict - Part 2 of 2

    Patterns That Perpetuate Conflict - Part 2 of 2

    Bob Wentworth

    Articles · 8 - 12 minutes · 11/23/2022

    Here we explore variants of conflict patterns in part two (of this two part series) that include: refuting "straw man arguments"; not checking understanding, repeating unhelpful behaviour; repeatedly asking for what's already given; asserting rather than demonstrating responsiveness; assumptions; denying conflict exists; neglecting interdependence; stonewalling; absence of curiosity, humility, respect, empathy or care (even when reflecting).

  9. Research shows that couples with a secure bond experience arguments that are shorter, lower in intensity, and easier to recover from. Building and keeping a secure bond with your partner requires mindfulness and consistency: respond to what’s needed or supportive in a given moment; give them your full attention and affection in a spacious greeting; conveying care, consideration, and that they matter and are seen.

  10. Being Persistent About Getting Our Needs Met

    Being Persistent About Getting Our Needs Met

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 3/6/2024

    Trainer Tip: When in a conflict that doesn’t seem to have a solution being aware of your needs, and then being creative and flexible about getting them met, can go a long way to coming up with creative solutions that work for everyone.

  11. It Takes a Community to Raise a Relationship

    It Takes a Community to Raise a Relationship

    Eric Bowers

    Articles · 5 - 8 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Using his own life experience, Eric explores why we need support from others, what support might look like, and what blocks us from asking for support for our relationships.

  12. Giraffe Fighting: Having Your Cake and Eating It Too (2 Session Course)

    Giraffe Fighting: Having Your Cake and Eating It Too (2 Session Course)

    Miki Kashtan

    Multi-session Course · 2 hours, 35 minutes · 1/17/2018

    Do you find yourself giving in with growing resentment? Do you avoid conflict and explode later without apparent reason?  Miki Kashtan, a world-renowned CNVC Certified Trainer, invites you to listen to this two-session telecourse recording to re-imagine and fine tune your skills at dealing with disagreements and negotiations.

  13. Move in to Conflict - Don't Back Up!

    Move in to Conflict - Don't Back Up!

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Trainer Tip: Have you ever noticed how often we back up when we find ourselves in a conflict? Or how much we try to pull away when someone is angry or in emotional pain?

  14. Mediating Conflict for Yourself and Others

    Mediating Conflict for Yourself and Others

    (8 Session Course)

    John Kinyon

    Multi-session Course · 11 - 14 hours · 2/25/2018

    This telecourse recording provides an experience with the language, skills and consciousness of NVC applied to mediating all types of conflict whether you are one of the people in conflict or you are supporting others in conflict.

  15. Every Angry Message is a "Please"

    Every Angry Message is a "Please"

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 7/29/2010

    Trainer Tip: Anger can be an opportunity to hear the "Please" behind the words and create a path to resolve conflicts compassionately.

  16. Learn tools to help you reconnect and repair your relationship with your adult children. Whether the issues are estrangement, lack of trust, conflict, dependence, miscommunication or any other challenge that impacts you with your grown sons and daughters, your heart will find comfort and ease through this course.

  17. Change Your Response to Conflict — Change Your Life

    Change Your Response to Conflict — Change Your Life

    (4 Session Course)

    Ike Lasater, John Kinyon

    Multi-session Course · 5 hours, 12 minutes · 5/14/2017

    Listen to this introductory 4-session Mediate Your Life telecourse recording to change your response to conflict and change your life.

  18. When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

  19. Does Anyone Deserve Anything?

    Does Anyone Deserve Anything?

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 13 - 20 minutes · 11/8/2019

    Our world trains us to think in terms of providing for everyone’s needs because they deserve it, earned it, or they possess the resources -- it's fair, socially just, supports equality or because people have rights. Instead, can we step outside this worldview to look at providing for everyone’s needs because those needs exist -- can we hold this basic reverence for life? Are we able to have a needs-based dialogue when such a reframe could alienate those who live in the worldview of earn/deserve?

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