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When someone's in immense pain and uses words that are hard to hear, see if you can bring in as much attention and compassion as you would to someone who was cut with a sword. Focusing on what's important to them, and not so much on how it was said. This may support greater understanding and healing. Otherwise, we risk prioritizing needs, norms, and inequities of the dominant culture, over caring for people who bear the invisible brunt of such norms.

Trainer Tip: Sometimes the people in our lives don’t yet have the skills to speak directly about what they want. When this happens we can make guesses about how they feel and what they want. This can lead to greater connection and chances we all can be more satisfied with our interactions.

When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.

"Falling out of love" is a misleading concept that can lead to feelings of helplessness in relationships. The initial intense phase of love gradually gives way to the need for intentional effort and communication. Unrealistic relationship expectations can erode connection, causing the perception of falling out of love. To address this, we can ask key questions and seek clarity to attend to unmet needs and maintain a healthy connection.

Why is it so difficult to not take things personally? It's because everything reinforces the sense that whatever is being said is indeed about us – both from without and from within. However, we can get better at not taking things personally with a practice of shifting our focus by being open to multiple interpretations, understanding that our reaction is about our own need, and noticing how the other person’s words, no matter how they sound to us, are an expression of their needs. We can then be more present and available to navigate the situation.

Listen to John answer an NVC Library member's question about what we can do when we habitually place other's needs ahead our own. Healing and change can be reached through compassionate self-connection, needs awareness, mourning and mindfulness.

Living in this ceaselessly demanding world, how do we recover from emotional exhaustion? The hopelessness of not being met in the world can leave us wrung out like an old mop. Our heart rate plummets, our blood pressure and respiration drop, and energy and information processing start slogging along. Instead, we can build the bridge of empathy for greater rejuvenation.

• Discern what is preventing your communication style from being effective
• Create a communication style that works
• Resolve everyday conflicts and misunderstandings
• Create a deeper sense of connection, trust, and cooperation
• Heal old wounds between you and others, as well as within yourself
• Be the leader and contributor you want to be in any situation

If we are in the dominant group, intervening to prevent violence or an "ouch" is a way to ally with marginalized folks. We can intervene to meet their needs, rather than our own. In other words, we can intervene without putting our experience at center stage. To that end, here are six ways to ask if an intervention is welcome.

• Wish you knew how to align your organization with its purpose and values?
• Want to increase your capacity to live in integrity with your values, too?
• Concerned about the level of engagement within your organization?
• Yearn to connect to a sense of meaning in your life during this time of global crises?
• Long to discover what is yours to do – and wish you knew how to leverage the resources you have in response to what is needed?

• Gain a new, surprising, and exciting connection to yourself that will enable you to both deepen the sense of power in your life and actualize everything you've always dreamed of… 
• Experience being fully present in the world — despite your habits — so that you'll always be connected to your inner center and thus be able to choose at any given moment where to take your life…
• Understand how to create within yourself (and others!) a sense of flow and love, making your life much more beautiful and exciting… 
• Learn how to open up in your relationships in ways you never thought would be possible, creating an entirely different closeness and intimacy in your life… 

Come fall in love with yourself again…

In this course recording, facilitated by Arnina Kashtan, you will discover your ability to...

• Simply love yourself…
• Live fully and express your greatness in the world… and
• Shorten the way to realizing your true self!

Arnina will share with you the deepest process of self-connection and meaningful discovery. You will learn how to listen to your innermost self, discover how to lead a life that is much more than anything you have ever dreamed of, and fall in love with yourself all over again!