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Dear friends,

My book, Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion has been on my mind a lot lately. It turns 20 years old next year, which I feel joyful about. Along the way, I came across this meditation that I wanted to share with you:

November 26
Change your thoughts and you change your world. – Norman Vincent Peale

Developing Tolerance

I used to think that Chihuahuas were dumb dogs and bulldogs were ugly. Then one of my friends bought a longhaired Chihuahua named Tilly and another bought an English bulldog named Emma. Once I got to know these dogs and could see how truly sweet they are, it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with both of them.

• Connect the dots between NVC basic practices and the deeper "why" behind them
• Discover how NVC can support us in bringing tenderness to all of humanity
• Learn how to tie the NVC approach to liberation and vision
• Explore the many ways the tools of NVC support the path of liberation!

Distinguishing between needs and strategies to meet needs is crucial for solving conflict. For example, the need for peace can be met through various strategies beyond solitude or gratitude. Similarly, sex is a strategy. Sexual expression is the need behind it, and can be met in various ways to meet that need without having sex itself. Such flexibility can foster  creativity and deeper connection, enhancing relationships.

Trainer Tip: The needs we focus on meeting and the strategies we use to meet those needs change over time. Mary shares about the life-serving nature of change.

When we have few external resources (money, time, health connections, etc), we can still empower ourselves and one another.  We can strengthen our internal resources, inspire people to join our cause, build solidarity, and influence others who have external resources to support us and our causes.

Learn how Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can improve the quality of your personal and professional relationships, one interaction at a time.

What happens when both people are trying to give one another at the exact same time without responding to the empathy guess? (Disclaimer: This is a humor piece. To understand why this cartoon might be funny it’s useful to have some experience with NVC and the NVC community.)

In a workshop, a hesitant white neurodivergent man faced a triggering reaction from a Global Majority transgender man. Uncovering their backgrounds, the facilitator addressed family dynamics and exclusion. A repair exercise fostered empathy, challenging assumptions and emphasizing the importance of equitable facilitation for a richer group experience.

Nonviolent Communication includes a practice of empathy that involves listening for feelings and needs no matter how someone expresses themselves, and reflecting back the feelings and needs when it is helpful to do so. You can reflect back in a traditional NVC manner, or in a more creative way, with metaphors.

CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan talks about what she calls "witnessing humanity," touching on the gift of presence, empathy vs. identification and staying present in the face of intensity.

Trainer Tip: When you suspect someone is lying, consider how it may be less important what the truth is. Instead, notice whether your need for trust is met. Without blame, nor labelling. you can make specific requests to meet your needs, while also respecting the other person’s needs. Read on for more.

Trainer Tip: People tend to look, act, and sound softer when they have been more fully heard. If you're unsure whether someone has been heard and you want to be cautious, you may ask them, “Is there anything else you’d like me to hear?”. If you try to reason with or educate them before they're heard, they'll likely respond negatively. After they're heard, you may notice a willingness on their part to listen and proceed.

Exploring how stories and unmet needs each influence the cause of our feelings in NVC.

Are you a spiritual seeker who longs for an approach that supports compassion for self as well as profound spiritual transformation? If so, you’ll enjoy this telecourse recording with Robert Gonzales and Leo Sofer as they engage in dynamic discussions about NVC as a spiritual practice.

From the depths of internal winter to the melting open in the warm sunshine of spring to rest in the ocean of Spirit, this poetry is a journey of discovering deep Presence through the human experiences so many of us share.

Trainer Tip: When do we move from using the formal 4-step process of NVC to a more idiomatic, natural-sounding expression? Whenever we're ready!

Trainer Tip: Q: How do we get the love we want? A: Ask for it.

One of the premises in NVC is that behind all behavior and expressions are Universal Human Needs as the deeper motivators. And one of the key distinctions in NVC is that between Needs and Strategies. Try Alan Rafael Seid's exercise called  "Peeling the Layers of the Onion, " a process for uncovering these needs — the deeper motivations — that underlie words and behaviors we may find disturbing or puzzling.