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When we don't like what someone is saying to us, sometimes people encourage us to hear their needs, and "not take it personally" -- and we're inclined to agree.  Could "not taking it personally" close our hearts and awareness to others, life and ourselves?  Rachelle Lamb invites us to take a closer look at what it's like when we attend to the situation from our hearts, and skillfully reflect upon our actions with tenderness.

• Learn concrete tools for engaging with others as you embrace individual and collective liberation
• Find your own source of choice even in the face of challenges
• Release the constriction of scarcity
• Find an empowered option to respond to what is happening in our world
• Open the door to the possibility of thriving rather than merely surviving

• Explore what makes the capacity lens radical and practical
• Understand the complexities of how capacity and willingness interface
• Mourn capacity limits within and around us without jumping to conclusions
• Orient to agreements as behavioral anchoring in support of your commitments

• Explore the complexities of how we can care for all of life using NVC
• See the role that power plays in relation to observations, feelings, needs, and requests
• Learn how to support people from many backgrounds in being able to apply NVC 
• Discern how to engage with these vast topics as we learn and share NVC

Trainer Tip: We can improve our relationships by focusing our attention first on connection instead of other stragegies.

Trainer Tip: Mourning enables us to heal the pain and gain clarity about how to meet our needs in the present moment.

Trainer Tip: Have you heard the saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”? Communication is like that too. Don’t try to adjust your communication and behaviors if they already work for you.

Trainer Tip: What is motivating your (in)actions? Are you doing something in the name of supporting deeper heartfelt needs, free of judgement or blame? Or are you bringing in consequences based on viewing the other person as having "bad behaviour"?

Trainer Tip: When considering your "deal breakers" consider what you want from a relationship rather than how it will look. For instance, maybe my need for abundance can be met by someone who is independently wealthy, so he doesn’t have to “have a good job”. When you shift your focus from strategies to needs, you may be pleasantly surprised what the universe brings. Read on for more.

Trainer tip: Comparisons are a form of judgment. The minute we compare ourselves to other people, we are setting ourselves up for pain and discouragement. We are setting them up too, and erecting a barrier between ourselves and them. Instead, notice how you feel about other people’s assets or foibles, and what needs come up for you. Read on for more.

Trainer Tip: Empathy is a process in which we acknowledge and understand others' experience without judging or bringing up our own life experience. It can defuse a violent situation and anger in seconds, plus provide a clarity that catapults someone to a deeper level of understanding. The process is simple; listen for their feelings and needs. It can be healing for them to be deeply understood.

Trainer Tip: When we withhold our truth or lie, we can create emotional and physical distance in our relationships. By being honest, we can strengthen relationships. And when someone doesn’t appreciate your honesty, try empathizing with them. It can help to notice how your actions stimulate feelings in other people -- even as they are not the cause of their feelings.

Trainer Tip: When someone is unresponsive it can be an opportunity to bring in more presence and connection through empathy. They may be worried that if they speak they'll say something they'll regret. Or they may want to know that their needs matters as much as yours. They may also need more space to clarify their thoughts.

Do you ever give up on disagreements, temporarily or permanently? Do you ever disengage from conflict because you’re certain the situation can't be resolved? Sometimes this applies. And consider how you may be giving up too soon, which decreases the possibility for resolution. This speaks to your level of commitment. How committed are you to valuing another’s needs and to finding resolution?

Trainer Tip: Your every action has an effect on other people’s lives. The nature of the impact may not be obvious to us, but that doesn’t diminish its presence. The next time you are tempted to snap at someone or cut in front of another driver, consider whether you’d like to be their story that evening. Consider whether this is the kind of contribution you’d like to make to their life.

Trainer Tip: People tend to look, act, and sound softer when they have been more fully heard. If you're unsure whether someone has been heard and you want to be cautious, you may ask them, “Is there anything else you’d like me to hear?”. If you try to reason with or educate them before they're heard, they'll likely respond negatively. After they're heard, you may notice a willingness on their part to listen and proceed.

Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

Trainer Tip: Strive for win-win resolutions where no one loses. Try this rather than deciding things by the majority or compromise, where one or more parties feel dissatisfied with the resolution because it involves an element of giving in. An alternative is shifting; both people connect to the needs they are trying to meet, and in doing so, one person makes an honest shift to contribute to the other person’s needs and life.

Trainer Tip: When do we move from using the formal 4-step process of NVC to a more idiomatic, natural-sounding expression? Whenever we're ready!

Trainer Tip: Mary offers a perspective on how to know if our need for honesty is being met.