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Ask the Trainer: "Could you share a list of types of requests, with examples of each and a possible strategy for formulating requests in conversation?"

Ask the Trainer: "I just started teaching in a public school and I'm not enjoying the violence that teachers express towards children and their colleagues. However, when I talk about NVC, most people listen but I feel they're either not understanding it or ..."

This 6-session telecourse recording focuses on supporting people who work with children (e.g. parents, teachers, ministers, etc.) in applying the skills of NVC mediation in conflict situations that involve children.

Join CNVC Certified Trainer Arnina Kashtan as she explores enemy images to increase your capacity to embrace life more fully. Free yourself from the “us-them” paradigm and experience true compassion for the people whose actions most trouble you.

Transforming anger is a key practice for returning to conscious presence and connection with self and others when triggered into a reaction. Join John Kinyon to learn this essential life skill through the Enemy Image Process and Learning/Growth Spiral.

Trainer Tip: There are many ways to meet a need. Open to new possibilities.

How do you know when you’re projecting disowned parts or replaying old relationship dynamics? It’s hard to know for sure, but if you find yourself upset or shutting down and unable to have a dialogue in which you can speak clearly about your feelings and needs and empathize with the other’s feelings and needs, there is likely a projection. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are projecting.

Some people in the NVC community consider the words "privilege" and "power" triggering and/or evaluative. From this perspective, how can the concepts of "privilege" and "power" be considered part of the NVC teaching?  This writing piece examines the power and privilege debate.  It also discusses what the author sees as Marshall Rosenberg and Gandhi's stance on the subject...

Trainer Tip: If we're deflecting an appreciation or letting it expand our ego, we're missing a chance to truly connect to what's important. A more satisfying way to receive appreciation is to connect to how we've contributed to another person’s life, rather than our own.

Trainer tip: Demands are more likely to limit the possibilities and create distance between people. The trick to asking something as a request is valuing everyone’s needs equally. When you value everyone’s needs equally, then you are more willing to come to solutions that satisfy everyone. It thus opens possibilities and helps build connection.

Here's a brief anecdote showing how one woman was able transform a situation, where a man was about to assault or rape her. She responded in a creative way that lead them both to see each others' humanity -- navigating them both to safety. As part of her ingenuity he ended up spending the night in her house, in another room.

Trainer tip: In every interaction, we have a choice of responding in one of these four ways: judge/blame self, Judge/blame others, empathize with self, and/or empathize with others. The goal is to make a conscious choice about our response. Notice the choices you have when you receive someone’s communication today.

• Integrate the underlying principles of NVC into your daily life
• Create a daily practice of self empathy and connecting to needs
• Strengthen your own personalized set of NVC skills
• Increase your sense of power in the world
• Deepen connection with yourself and those in your life

Trainer Tip: Sometimes when we look to fix someone's problems we think we're doing it to make them feel better, but in reality we are uncomfortable and we want to feel better. Instead of assuming you know what their problem is or what they need, listen deeply. Your listening presence can bring relief to the both of you and provide additional opportunities for healing. And along the way they may find their own way to a solution.

• Learn concrete tools for engaging with others as you embrace individual and collective liberation
• Find your own source of choice even in the face of challenges
• Release the constriction of scarcity
• Find an empowered option to respond to what is happening in our world
• Open the door to the possibility of thriving rather than merely surviving

How do we talk to ourselves and with others about polarizing topics in a way that's supportive? Seek to understand and be understood rather than press for agreement. Bring mindfulness into the conversation. Slow down and use structure to support everyone. Release knowing the solutions, answers or outcomes. Keep focus on shared universal needs. From this place we can say what's in our hearts and minds, and trust the process.

• Understand the essential relationship between personal healing and social change — and how to communicate it to others.
• Increase your compassion capacity for different ways of being in the world.
• Get clarity about the difference between equity and equality — and how to generate equitable processes in your communities and networks.
• Obtain tools to explore the various factors that contribute to your understanding of power and privilege — including your own.

Trainer Tip: In an efficient group process, clarity is key. Try to only say things if you are clear what you want back from the group. Then ask for what you want so people don’t have to figure it out for you. If someone says something and you’re not sure what he wants back from the group, anyone can assist by saying this: “I’m confused about what you would like from us. Would you help us clarify what kind of a response you’re looking for?”

We only have this decade to make radical changes to avert crossing over into an unlivable Earth. What's essential is a critical mass of people with capacity to respond to many enormous, daunting social-environmental challenges. This means on a wider scale, responding to conflict, fear, hate, injustice and violence with the ability to see our commonality underlying our differences. And to feel part of a larger whole so we can birth natural caring, togetherness, and cooperation.

The American mythos of Independence Day is that liberty, equality, and opportunity are for all. Yet since the country's formation, these needs have been for some at the expense of others. It started with the brutal robbery and genocide of Native Americans and slavery of Africans. And this theme continued for generations in various forms, including how we related to other peoples, countries, and the ecosphere. To achieve true justice, liberty, and opportunity for all we may need to overcome the ego's sense of separation. Compassionate noncooperation may also be key.