Search the NVC Library

Inbal answers a parent's question about praise and offers a perspective on how praise translates into the NVC framework.

Join Linda Mia Mukte (formerly Rysenbry), CNVC Certified Trainer, for this uniquely powerful telecourse recording that blends NVC with Dr. Sue Johnson’s empirically validated work on adult love relationships called EFCT: Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

When asking for support from another, you are most likely to enjoy receiving that support when the person giving support is giving from the heart—from a place of joy or delight. Inviting them to say "no" is a way of encouraging an authentic response, a response you can trust more fully.

In our fast-paced, busy lives it is tempting to practice NVC mostly with the left hemisphere of the brain, thinking through the steps quickly without slowing down to connect more deeply with feelings and needs.  Don't miss an opportunity to integrate the hemispheres of the brain and the valuable information from the neural networks in the heart and gut.

When you or anyone is upset, what could underneath the trigger?  There may be more than is immediately visible.  This article invites us to explore what it looks like to inquire deeper, take self-responsibility, examine our assumptions, attachments, interpretations, and "certainties" that could be hidden behind the needs that are aching to be attended to...

Some people in the NVC community consider the words "privilege" and "power" triggering and/or evaluative. From this perspective, how can the concepts of "privilege" and "power" be considered part of the NVC teaching?  This writing piece examines the power and privilege debate.  It also discusses what the author sees as Marshall Rosenberg and Gandhi's stance on the subject...

What's really going on underneath the surface when we bring or encounter blame, judgements, pain -- and thereby the inability to empathize, be present, attuned, or responsive?  Why does this happen even if one or more people in a relationship dynamic is working hard at bringing in an NVC response? This article addresses these and more questions from the perspective of how our brains are affected in our relationships.

This 5-session telecourse recording is designed to support you in learning what makes giving and receiving feedback challenging and how you can turn these experiences into opportunities for learning, connection, and effective functioning.

"All humans share the same needs" -- tragically, this idea can hide the reality that some people with less power in society have needs that go unmet to a greater extent, much longer, and with more dire consequences. Often, when the marginalized bring up experiences related to their membership in a certain group, their pain isn't acknowledged, and focus shifts to the listener's discomfort. The concept of universal human needs can be used to silence and minimize their pain. Read on for how to proceed.

Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

Two NVC trainers went into dangerous, war torn territory to share the skills they found so valuable but end up learning that they need to first apply those skills before those they came to help could receive what they had to offer. Only when the foundation of connection and trust was built could they mediate the conflicts using empathic communication.

There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change.

In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more.

To learn to identify and speak from your needs requires specific tasks and practices. Here's a list of 10 learning tasks and practices for you to choose from. Some of these ideas include using needs cards and lists, working backwards from strategies and ideal scenarios, reflecting on past experiences and relationships, and asking for/offering/exchanging empathy.

Marriage can be seen as a limit on freedom. Ideas of compromise collude with this view. Instead, notice when your "yes" to your partner is laden with obligation, duty, guilt, fear, or an attempt to win love or approval, and how it's not a truly free "yes". True freedom is different from compulsion, and doesn't conflict with other needs. When have you experienced true freedom? What conditions support your access to freedom?

Amidst the Israel/Palestine war we see polarizing media portrayals and the battle for public opinion. Read how one person shares his deep, personal connections to the Israel/Palestine conflict, expresses the trauma and viewpoints of both Palestinian and Israeli experiences -- in a way that aims to transcend polarizations, hold compassion, and understand the complexity on both sides. Despite the immense challenge that defies easy resolution, he holds hope, noting historical reconciliations such as the ones between Germans and Jews.

Amidst the Israel/Palestine war we see polarizing media portrayals and the battle for public opinion. Read how one person shares his deep, personal connections to the Israel/Palestine conflict, expresses the trauma and viewpoints of both Palestinian and Israeli experiences -- in a way that aims to transcend polarizations, hold compassion, and understand the complexity on both sides. Despite the immense challenge that defies easy resolution, he holds hope, noting historical reconciliations such as the ones between Germans and Jews.