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  1. Helping With Difficult Emotions

    Helping With Difficult Emotions

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 3/9/2023

    If you want to support someone in distress offer a menu of ways you can contribute. Often a person in distress can’t articulate what they need but can recognize it when they hear it. Move fluidly among these 11 options to offer what’s truly helpful, rather than offering something out habit or based on what you think they should have. Remember that you can ask, “Is this helpful?” to support collaboration.

  2. Boundaries For Healthy Differentiation

    Boundaries For Healthy Differentiation

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 6 - 9 minutes · 03/06/2024

    Differentiation means you can access both autonomy and intimacy in relationships. When you're unafraid to lose yourself or be controlled, you can feel deeply connected and affected, while standing strong in yourself. Differentiation also means ability to tolerate disharmony and differences, self-soothe, offer compassion, and set boundaries. Here, we'll focus on setting boundaries with monitoring eye contact and physical interaction, and interrupt our "helping".

  3. Talking About The Past And Effective Relationship Repair

    Talking About The Past And Effective Relationship Repair

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 8 minutes · 02/07/2023

    Relationship repair means building connection and care after disconnect and unmet needs. It requires intention to connect and take responsibility for your behavior by naming what didn’t work, offering empathy, and making a plan to do something differently next time. When you have enough empathy to find care and curiosity for them, reflect the other person's observation, thoughts, feelings, needs and requests. Focus on this more than on details of the event.

  4. Working With Perceptions Of Abandonment

    Working With Perceptions Of Abandonment

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 2/7/2023

    When you hear yourself saying that you are being abandoned, turn toward your experience with compassion and curiosity. Check in with your interpretations, feelings, and needs. Reach out for support. This can help dissolve feelings of reactivity and allow perspective. You are then able to make requests of yourself about what you’d like to do differently in the future to honor for your needs when making a choice.

  5. Differentiate Compassion From Rescuing

    Differentiate Compassion From Rescuing

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 6 - 9 minutes · 5/11/2023

    Is it tough to see a loved one go through hardship? May you have tension building up inside and draw a rigid boundary, or feel the urgency to swoop in and try to “rescue” them with advice, consoling, cheering up, analyzing, or explaining? Instead, relax your body. Invite your emotions to flow with acceptance. Notice inner peace and expansion. See this person as someone on a journey to awakening with all its painful and joyful twists and turns.

  6. Healing And Dissolving Chronic Anger

    Healing And Dissolving Chronic Anger

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 2/7/2023

    It can seem like anger protects you. But it's your ability to name your needs, honor your range of feelings, and act on your needs that keeps you healthy and safe. When you remain present for an emotion and allow it to flow, it'll last just over a minute and dissolve, making room for the next layer of experience. Practice noticing any anger you have, without resistance. Set up self-empathy or space be heard empathically.

  7. A Path For Responding To Tragic Decisions

    A Path For Responding To Tragic Decisions

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 2/7/2023

    Hearing actions that lead to living beings' harm, you may notice that some people believe that the needs of some must come at the cost of others. This view arises from fear and an economic system meant to promote and feed off false scarcity. When struggling with this, grieve, receive support, and notice your feelings show you certain values matter to you. From this sense of purpose you can find where you can be of most service.

  8. Taking Care Of Yourself When Visiting Family

    Taking Care Of Yourself When Visiting Family

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 2 - 3 minutes · 2/7/2023

    Before entering a family gathering, set your intention to notice reactivity and make a plan for self-care when it comes up. It might also be helpful to imagine repetitive interactions and plan how you will respond; for example with a boundary, honest expression, empathy, or by taking a time-out for self-care. Remember your core values, intention, and how you are committed to showing up in the world.

  9. From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

    From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 2/7/2023

    You value generosity and you often give easily from the heart. There are those times, however, when you get snagged by a sense of obligation. You feel tense and resentful. You don't want to continue with this attitude, but how can you reconnect with the desire to give from the heart? Let’s touch on three essential elements that support giving from the heart: choice, mourning, and acceptance.

  10. How To Ask For Honesty

    How To Ask For Honesty

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 5/26/2023

    Making a decision or boundary that invites someone to be honest about their feelings can be difficult. Remember that lack of authenticity may be due to lack of awareness, inner conflict, or fear of conflict, rather than dishonesty. Offer empathy and reassurance and invite more conversation. Approach with compassion and curiosity to naturally invite more honesty.

  11. See Old Relationship Dynamics In Intimate Relationships

    See Old Relationship Dynamics In Intimate Relationships

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 6/4/2023

    Learn how unconscious impulses can lead to depleting patterns. Here, we look at two forms of reactive attempts we may use to avoid future pain, and how to make conscious decisions instead. Read on for questions that can help us see if we're making decisions from a grounded place, such as taking time to reflect on values, receive support from others, and getting curious about others' views.

  12. Replacing Blame With Compassion For Impact

    Replacing Blame With Compassion For Impact

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 6/22/2023

    Blame is a misguided habit that's used to avoid pain and suffering, offering only a momentary distraction and oversimplifies complex histories. It also disconnects us from choice and agency, blocks us from discovering more about ourselves and others, and can keep us from having compassionate, self responsible conversations. Instead, we can practice speaking in terms of impact and notice our experience without trying to escape it.

  13. Practicing With Anger

    Practicing With Anger

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 5 - 7 minutes · 6/13/2023

    Anger is neither good nor bad. When you don't foresee it or you haven't cultivated a relationship to anger, you may behave from it and hurt yourself and others. There are three reasons anger may rise: primitive anger, resistance, and lack of resources. For practicing with these last two types of anger, we'll look at four practices: cultivate awareness, pause and expand, self-care and planning, and allow grief.

  14. Loving Someone For Who They Are And Still Making Requests

    Loving Someone For Who They Are And Still Making Requests

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/22/2023

    If someone asks you to love them as is, try wondering what contributes to their need for acceptance. Loving someone and empathizing with them, doesn't mean you can't make requests for change. Recall that your requests are about your needs, not about them. Understand that requests may not be met due to lack of resources or skills, even if the desire is there. Clarify how important the request is to you and how negotiation can look.

  15. Shifting The "Power Over" Pattern At Home

    Shifting The "Power Over" Pattern At Home

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 7/10/2023

    You may want to shift power dynamics in intimate and family relationships -- especially if there's longstanding, unprocessed hurts. Reflect on where, when and with whom you tend to enter reactive “power over” patterns. Explore the feelings and needs that are up for you in those contexts. Imagine other ways that could meet your needs in, or before, those moments. In this way, in similar situations you can have more access to choice.

  16. Tools for Mindfulness of Impact in Dialogue

    Tools for Mindfulness of Impact in Dialogue

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 8/27/2023

    If you want a better connection it's crucial to be mindful about how your communication affects your partner. This means noticing and keeping eye contact, observing body language, and checking for their reactions. You can also share in small increments, check in before sharing vulnerable thoughts, and express what you notice. Give yourself empathy when you notice that you want to be right more than you’re wanting to be connected.

  17. Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

    Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

    Elia Paz

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 8/12/2023

    When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the question with a trusted person or in a journal. Read on for examples.

  18. How to Navigate Holiday Conversations with Family

    How to Navigate Holiday Conversations with Family

    Oren Jay Sofer

    Practice Exercises · 6 - 9 minutes · 1/15/2024

    While we can’t control other’s behavior, we can choose how we show up. With forethought and care, we can approach interactions with more clarity, love, and skill. Read on for practices that include: Choose wise attention, ask better questions, practice deep listening, structure the conversation, know your limits, speak your truth, share your personal stories, be present and recall permanence.

  19. Lorraine Aguilar perceives NVC-based listening to be an essential skill to cultivate for success in the business world. A key exercise for building your listening muscle is to work with your judgments of others by translating those judgments from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What's important to me?"
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