Trainer Tip: Mourning enables us to heal the pain and gain clarity about how to meet our needs in the present moment. Trainer Tip Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms, you would never see the beauty of their carvings. —Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Do you ever tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel bad because things could be worse, or because someone else is worse off, or that your situation just isn’t so bad that you need to carry on about it? Every time we tell ourselves that our sadness and grief are not worth mourning, we cut ourselves off from potential healing and life. Mourning, in a Nonviolent Communication process, involves allowing ourselves to feel the pain of the unmet needs in our life. In some ways, this process is about recognizing the depth and sadness of our unmet needs, which can’t happen when we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel that way. Our level of grief will depend on the situation. However, no matter the depth of our sadness, mourning enables us to heal the pain and gain clarity about how to meet our needs in the present moment. The mourning process in Nonviolent Communication involves four steps: Identify the feelings—sadness, disappointment, worry— you have about your unmet need Identify the need—support, fun, friendship, intimacy. Imagine how you would feel if the need were met. Look for additional strategies to meet the need. Be aware of any sadness, disappointment, or hurt you feel today and take a moment to mourn your unmet needs. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: consciousness expression honesty mourning needs strategies values relationships attention responsibility grief loss presence Mary Mackenzie