Trainer Tip: Ready to start a fight because you're right? Consider another strategy. Trainer Tip In managing human affairs there isno better rule than self-restraint.—Lao Tzu When we are angry, we are at a crossroads. In that moment, we can work toward a resolution or we can work toward escalation. Say that your partner asks you to drive and then he tells you what turns to make and where to park. You may feel irritated about this and want to chew him out. Why? Because you want to prove to him that you know how to drive. Maybe you want to say something like, “You may find this amazing, but I have been driving for approximately thirty years, and I have parked all by myself probably one thousand times.” Consider why you want to say this. I’d guess you want to be seen as capable of managing this situation on your own. Ultimately, this is a desire to be right. If you say this kind of thing to him, it is likely you will be entering into a “right fight;” where you argue your rightness and then he argues his rightness. As tempting as right fights are, they rarely end in peaceful resolution or meet the original need, which in this case, was being seen as competent. A second strategy could be to express yourself honestly. “You know when you tell me how to drive and park, I feel unbelievably annoyed because I need respect. Would you be willing to sit quietly while I drive?” It’s direct, honest, and more likely to meet your needs. Avoid engaging in a right fight. If that’s the only strategy you can think of, don’t say anything and come back to the issue when you are more calm. Be aware of any temptation to get into a right fight.Instead, consider making a direct request to the otherperson that is more likely to help you meet your need. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: fighting self restraint expression honesty requests strategies conflict resolution choice authenticity responsibility Mary Mackenzie