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NVC Resources on Shame

  1. It may be challenging to hear or make requests when you feel shame regarding anyone's feelings and needs. Without support, shame could be debilitating, so you may feel resistant and become defensive, hear threat, or criticize others. Instead, be with people who allow space for vulnerability. Find ways to celebrate, negotiate, be mindful, accepting, and creative.

  2. Dialogues with Our Shame

    Dialogues with Our Shame

    Giorgos Tsitsirigkos

    Video · 45 minutes · 08/29/2019

    During this session, Giorgos will walk you through a series of short, meditative practices and exercises designed to help you practice noticing, experiencing, and bringing shame to light — transforming it from a burden to a playful fellow as well as a portal to self-knowledge and internal freedom. You'll discover how the deep power of human connectedness can dilute the fogginess of sensitive issues, bringing them higher into your consciousness, and enabling the flow of life to pass right through them!

  3. Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

    Finding Agency and Seeing Shame

    LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 1/12/2021

    The ability to identify your needs and take effective action to meet them is one way to define agency. Access to agency is complex and varies widely from person to person. Access to agency depends upon a variety of conditions. For example, if you struggle with agency, shame may tell you that you're broken in some way. If agency comes easily in an area, then you may view others who struggle with it, as lazy or stubborn. Read on for more.

  4. From Obedience and Shame to Freedom and Belonging

    From Obedience and Shame to Freedom and Belonging

    Transforming Patriarchal Paradigms of Child-Rearing in the Age of Global Warming

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 45 - 60 minutes · 2/12/2018

    What will it take to reclaim our fundamental relatedness with all things alive, surrender our attempts to control nature, and find a way of living that averts or mitigates the worst possible catastrophes awaiting us while it's still possible?

  5. How can we hold love, understanding and compassion -- and still confront people about the harmful impact of their actions, hold them accountable, take action, speak truth and advocate for change... all in a manner fully aligned with our values and vision? Read on for how we can do accountability; what kind of action we take and with what motivation; and what our movements for change can look like from this lens.

  6. NVC Life Hacks 21

    NVC Life Hacks 21

    Shame and the fear of doing it wrong

    Shantigarbha Warren

    Video · 5 minutes · 07/09/2020

    When was the last time you were in a situation with an overwhelming feeling of shame or an unnerving fear of 'doing it wrong'? Sometimes we get sweaty palms or a dry mouth, maybe we freeze on the spot or start an unhelpful internal monologue that makes the situation feel even worse. In this months NVC Life Hack Gesine takes a closer look at her own experience with shame and the fear of doing it wrong.

  7. Alarm Feelings

    Alarm Feelings

    Anger, Guilt, Shame and Shut Down

    LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 4 - 6 minutes · 8/7/2022

    Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only then choose what actions to meet needs.

  8. Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

    Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 4/15/2021

    Trainer Tip: Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and stagnation. Instead, bringing in more self compassion can increase opportunities for change. Do this by acknowledging your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. Read on for how to do this.

  9. Enriching Life

    Enriching Life

    Mary Mackenzie

    Trainer Tips · 1 - 2 minutes · 1/2/2023

    Trainer Tip: If you are motivated by fear, guilt, blame or shame, your actions will usually be motivated by avoiding pain. The best way to experience permanent, lifelong change is to focus on how your life will improve when you make a change. Notice when you attempt to motivate yourself and others with guilt, blame, or shame today, and then look for motivations that enrich life instead.

  10. Beyond the Limits of Empathy

    Beyond the Limits of Empathy

    Miki Kashtan

    Articles · 9 - 13 minutes · 3/21/2023

    Empathy alone can be unreliable in guiding compassionate action. As seen in historical events, military training, personal anecdotes, and scientific experiments, empathy alone may not prevent people from harming others. A sense of duty or obedience, often instilled through fear of punishment and shame, might inhibit empathic action. The antidote may be to fostering empathy without resorting to control, shame, or punishment.

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