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Connecting with self and other is key to care and creativity. Before dialogue connect with your intention and needs for being with grief, fear or pain, and empathy. Dialogue when you're both rested, fed, and have spaciousness. Start by expressing care and desire to find mutually satisfying solutions. To deepen connection you may repeat what you hear and ask the other person to do the same.
Welcome to the final video in our 3 part Embodied NVC Life Hack series. So far we've learnt about rewiring our brain from a flight, fright or freeze reaction to the choice of self-empathy, allowing us to centre and check-in with ourselves. In part two, Empathy Skills, we went beyond self-empathy to look at ways we can empathise with the other person. In this final instalment, we create a bridge...
Reflect on a time when you were either expressing gossip or participating passively. What feelings and needs were up for you at the time? How might you have interrupted the gossip with connection? When interrupting gossip it can take a few rounds of empathy and honest expression to bridge understanding, and create a space in which mutual care and curiosity arises. Read on for an example.
To learn to identify and speak from your needs requires specific tasks and practices. Here's a list of 10 learning tasks and practices for you to choose from. Some of these ideas include using needs cards and lists, working backwards from strategies and ideal scenarios, reflecting on past experiences and relationships, and asking for/offering/exchanging empathy.
This one page colour handout illustrates the focus options or intention options for connection: empathy (verbal and non-verbal), self expression, and self connection (opening our heart to self and/or others). It also offers some suggestions for how to say these things to self and others.
When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without...
Little negative impacts can become big when left unattended. Watch for things like using a sharp tone, choosing not to share something, going along with something when you don’t really want to, trying to convince your partner, impulsively turning away, shrinking, losing access to parts of yourself, hiding, daydreaming about a different life, and judgmental thoughts. Instead, shift the dynamic:...
Join LoraKim Joyner to investigate how merging science, the social and emotional intelligence of humans, animals and other species and Nonviolent Communication can bring a greater sense of belonging and wholeness to your life, and care and justice to the lives of others.
Audio
1 hour, 11 minutes
Listen as Miki works with participants. Topics: how small requests serve interdependence; NVC process vs purpose; how to respond when empathy is used to create distance; coping with verbal aggression, and more!
Use these cards in your practice group or NVC training to understand 4 different ways of responding to hard to hear messages. Become aware of the way you habitually respond to stimulus and develop skills to respond with empathy and express honestly.
Shared vulnerability can build more intimacy, mutuality, being seen and heard, empathy, or community. Inviting shared vulnerability means earning another’s trust that you can consistently offer attentive, curious, and compassionate listening. Here are four strategies to invite shared vulnerability.
A challenge is an expansion of making a clear, positive doable request — and, when given, the person feels deeply seen by the challenger. A challenge isn't just about getting someone to take action on something important to them; it's a fierce form of empathy that supports people in connecting with their life force, and integrates it into their lives with action. A real challenge is tied to the...
The more we can stay present with our hurt, and own our interpretations, we are more likely to express what's important to us without blame and also to become resilient. From there, the listener can have more space to offer their full presence and empathy. Read on for more.
Making a decision or boundary that invites someone to be honest about their feelings can be difficult. Remember that lack of authenticity may be due to lack of awareness, inner conflict, or fear of conflict, rather than dishonesty. Offer empathy and reassurance and invite more conversation. Approach with compassion and curiosity to naturally invite more honesty.
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...
Even those who practice NVC can repeat old patterns of thinking, believing, feeling, and behaving. If they do, but still use ‘NVC language’ others may think the issue is NVC rather than the person’s capacity. This week, notice even a small instance where someone is against something you suggest. To build trust and connection, experiment with offering empathy or asking them to share what they...
Practice Exercise
4 - 6 minutes
Because we affect one another it can be hard to know where to take responsibility and where to leave it with the other person. This means we need self empathy, and presence for another's struggles without compulsion to "make them happy" or bring them healthy change. You can then attend to the needs and to your choice about if and how you want to contribute with compassion. Respect them as...
Use this worksheet to check to see if you’re making a request, rather than a demand. Clarify and connect your request to your needs. Check your motivations. Use a phrase, question, or empathy guess to connect to the person if they say “no”. See sample requests for actions, offers, and for deepening understanding.
Listen as Mary Mackenzie shares an eight step path to create your own NVC learning activities, based on your own NVC learning experience. In this session, Mary uses the value of requests and observations as teaching examples.
Feelings and Needs form the cornerstone of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), offering a profound framework for cultivating empathy, compassion, and authenticity in our interactions. This comprehensive 9-page Feelings and Needs Reference Guide is designed to support you in integrating these vital concepts into your daily life.