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NVC Resources on Feelings

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The Power of Empathy

Trainer Tip Don’t just do something, stand there. —Buddha People often need empathy when they are in the most pain. In these situations, we may hear their words as critical and judgmental. It is important in such moments to remember that everything they say or do is an attempt to meet their needs. When they are in pain, sometimes the methods they use to meet their needs are ineffective and...
Choosing Whom We Empathize With

Trainer Tip "The pain is the aversion. The healing magic is attention. Properly attended to, pain can answer our most crucial questions, even those we did not consciously frame." —Marilyn Ferguson I have learned that empathizing with some people does not meet my own needs for connection, rest, or joy. This may be because my own needs are so great or because I have other, more pressing needs...
Change Is Afoot

One way to understand trauma is it means we got a blow greater than our nervous system can tolerate – then we move into hyperarousal, and then hypoarousal or dissociation. This cycle can continue long after. Here, we're not able to fully process emotional cues, information, our body, and others. It's important we consider re-writing the cultural paradigm of separation so that our trauma doesn't...
Defining Needs

Trainer Tip "A theme may seem to have been put aside, but it keeps returning—the same thing modulated, somewhat changed in form" —Muriel Rukeyser In Compassionate Communication, we define needs as resources that life requires to sustain itself. Our physical well-being depends on our needs for air, water, food, rest, and shelter. Our psychological and emotional well-being relies on support,...
The Long-Short Way, And The Short-Long Way

Many times I’ve attempted to take a shortcut, and the project, or the route I was taking, ended up taking longer. I’ve noticed the high cost of this approach especially in interpersonal situations. We avoid a conversation because we don’t want conflict, but the avoidance -or the shortcut- ends up costing more in time, energy, and emotional grief because we weren’t willing to take the time at...
Keeping Ourselves Open

Trainer Tip Friend, there’s a window that opens from heart to heart And there are ways of closing it . . . —Rumi One of the swiftest ways to close the heart is critical or judgmental thinking. How open are you when you are judging another person? The goal in peaceful living is to approach our relationships with an open heart. Years ago, I asked another trainer of Nonviolent Communication to...
Rethinking Societal Dynamics

Aya Caspi delves into the impact of societal structures and parenting approaches on individuals, particularly the prevalence of extrinsic motivation rooted in fear of punishment, desire for rewards, and a sense of obligation. The emphasis is on how these dynamics contribute to collective trauma and affect brain development. Examples, such as Hitler's childhood and the adverse effects of the...
How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment

To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor. Read this article Keywords: reactivity anchoring centering practice self inquiry LaShelle Lowe-Charde Elia Lowe Charde
Six Ways That Support You Being Heard

When you don't have a sense of being heard you can apply skills to help you can interrupt cycles of reactivity and resentment, and create connection. Let's look at six ways that will support you in being heard. These are clarity about the topic and needs; supportive conditions; respect for autonomy; sharing your intention; attending to emotional security; and making clear requests. Read this...
A New Monetary System

There's a danger in using empathy exchange to perpetually recirculate and exchange pain (often by telling and re-telling the same old stories), rather than using it as a catalyst for transformation. It can create and further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, and violence. It can also reinforce dualistic evaluations of "met" vs "unmet" needs. And it...