Browse by Topic

NVC Resources on Feelings

Search Terms:

Advanced Search

Select Media Type, Click Search

Losing Our Judgments

Trainer Tip Do not consider painful what is good for you. — Euripides Have you ever noticed how one minute something can seem so utterly painful you’re sure it must be bad, then, a short time later, the most amazing results happen, so then you think it’s good? This has happened to me countless times. Consider the time my car died when my finances were at an all-time low. That was bad, I...
Valuing Everyone’s Needs

Trainer Tip It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. —Confucius A friend of mine called to tell me that her husband had left her. He had spent the last couple of years wrestling with his feelings about their marriage. He never discussed his discontent with her. In fact, she first heard of his unhappiness when he was leaving her. She was in shock and devastated. My...
Connect Before Correct

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I have a question which has been running through my mind for some days now. It was sparked off in our NVC weekly practice group. I was sitting there trying to connect to my reasons for wanting to give empathy to a person who was telling us about some very painful feeling she was having, without connecting to her needs. I recalled hearing Marshall say something like...
The Needs Underneath a Need for Fairness

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I'm practicing with "transforming the pain of unmet needs into the beauty of the need." In identifying my unmet needs, I come up with "fairness." However, fairness isn't on the needs list! I'm wondering what needs might be underneath "fairness." Here is my process so far: Observation: I asked Jesse to help enter data sheets, and he spent the last twenty minutes...
Facilitating Connection

Expressing ourselves honestly is sometimes scary because we can't predict where the conversation will go after we've made ourselves vulnerable. This recording will demonstrate how the power of our honesty is enhanced by ending on a clear and present request. Doing so supports self-connection because we know what we want before we open our mouth, and also supports connection with the other...
When Hearing A No

Trainer Tip Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand. —Baruch Spinoza Persisting is when we actively attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another person. Demanding is when we insist that someone do something, or else there will be negative repercussions. Say you ask your teenage son to mow the lawn this afternoon, and he says: “Oh Mom! I wanted to play ball with the...
An Introduction to Self-Compassion

Access this complete 10 session course In this course recording, discover a new level of self-acceptance that can lead to profound emotional healing and a deeper spiritual presence. The heart of self-compassion is coming to an inner knowing of how we can regard ourselves with complete and total allowing. By relaxing the part of us that feels that we so desperately need to improve ourselves, we...
The Importance of Making Requests

Trainer Tip What would make you happy? It’s a simple question, but one with profound consequences. Asking and answering that question, then acting on it, is often our path—a path that will lead to the next step, a path that is in our best interest. —Melody Beattie Have you ever waited in a restaurant for a friend who finally shows up a half hour later than you agreed? When she walks in, you may...
How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

Trainer Tip God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. —Psalms 46:1 Often people ask me how they can tell if the other person has been heard. Many times you can feel a release of tension in your own body. Other times you may notice that the other person responds in a calm tone with few words, such as “Yeah” or “Uh huh.” Two minutes before, he may have had a lot more to say...
Serenity is a Choice

Trainer Tip Our faith must be alive, always growing, like a tree. —Thich Nhat Hanh Serenity is a state of being and a universal need that is peaceful, tranquil, and clear. We can be serene even in a catastrophe, or when life is challenging, or when we are scared, hurt, angry, or sad. This happens when we are able to connect to what we value most, and to act in harmony with those values. In...