We can see anger as an alarm or signal that can inform us that unmet needs require attention, or that we hold judgements. We can shift our own anger in several healthy ways: get present, identify the stimulus and any judgements or unmet needs, look for ways to meet our needs, make requests that support our needs, express our needs to ourselves and appropriate others, and more.
This anecdote illustrates how a young man had the social awareness to consider how male conditioning may bring up competitiveness in his interactions with another man. The young man offered transparency and checked for consent in a way that shows an embodiment of power-with, togetherness, consideration, care, collaboration... and all without displaying any formal NVC training, and without looking to impress.
Sometimes I hear people say things like, “I didn’t do Compassionate Communication this week.” Or “I tried Compassionate Communication when I was arguing with my wife last week.” Compassionate Communication is not a thing to do, or to pull out of our bag of tricks once in a while. Compassionate Communication is a consciousness of valuing everyone’s needs and of valuing connection more than being right, winning or protecting ourselves. It is a way of living.
When we are completely involved in an activity for its own sake we are in engagement. Here, the ego falls away and time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one. Our whole being is involved, and we're using our skills to the utmost. Read on for activities that could stimulate engagement, a list of subjectively experienced elements of engagement and a list of what supports engagement.
