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There is more to the NVC skill of Observation than the external level of what a video camera sees or hears. In this video, Roxy demonstrates that to fully understand what is happening, we need to know all three layers of observation: External, Internal, and Systemic. 

Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't smart. The impact of stories like this on a child's self-perception is long-lasting. Roxy urges us to consider the unintended messages that our words and actions may convey, as these narratives can be challenging to shift once established.

In parenting, Roxy Manning notes the tendency for self-judgment and external judgment. Roxy suggests that being a single parent or a working parent influences your ability to implement parenting strategies. The importance of assessing the feasibility of strategies in one's current life context is emphasized. Roxy encourages self-compassion and mourning the gap between desired and achievable outcomes. Her message encourages understanding personal constraints and practicing self-compassion in parenting.

Roxy Manning suggests that in navigating a situation where accusations of racism and a white savior complex arise, the facilitator emphasizes the distinction between intention and impact. Acknowledging the pain of the aggrieved person, the facilitator clarifies that racism is about impact, not necessarily intention. Encouraging a focus on the impact first, the facilitator invites understanding of the internal and systemic levels of the experience. Despite the person's insistence on their intention, the facilitator remains firm in prioritizing the discussion of impact. The goal is to create a space for acknowledging and addressing the impact before delving into intentions.

Roxy Manning shares that facilitating equitable group dynamics involves tracking attention, needs, purpose alignment, resources, and impact. Identifying patterns in attention distribution, centered needs, and maintaining alignment with the purpose enhances inclusivity. Tracking internal and external resources, especially considering identity-related differences, prevents disparities. Recognizing who bears the impact, providing support, and addressing impactful issues contribute to fostering an equitable facilitation environment.

Roxy Manning discusses the connection between the challenges parents face with their children and the qualities they want them to develop. She highlights the importance of aligning actions with desired outcomes, using the example that if parents value independence, they should encourage choice rather than demanding compliance. She encourages parents to consider the long-term impact of their parenting choices on shaping their children's future behavior.

Roxy Manning delves into the concept of psychological safety, drawing from Amy Edmondson's definition as the shared belief among team members that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking. Roxy discusses the common misconception of safety within teams, where the absence of open discussions is mistaken for safety, creating an illusion of negative peace. Negative peace involves avoiding discomfort and maintaining comfort for those with structural or social power, often at the expense of others silently suffering. Roxy emphasizes the importance of differentiating between discomfort and true psychological safety, where teams can openly address challenging issues, even if it means temporary discomfort. She encourages naming and understanding these dynamics to foster a psychologically safe and inclusive team environment.

Roxy Manning discusses the tendency to get attached to certain parenting strategies for control and emphasizes the importance of attuning to the child's needs rather than imposing fixed ideas of right or wrong. Using a personal example of being labeled a "bad child" for taking off uncomfortable dresses, Roxy highlights the need to observe and understand the child's perspective. She stresses the importance of moving away from rigid ideas about the perfect strategy and instead focusing on what is happening in the moment to better address both the child's and the parent's needs. Roxy encourages flexibility in parenting strategies and urges parents to check in on their motivations for seeking control.

As parents, aligning our values with our actual behavior can be challenging. In this video, Roxy discusses the importance of modeling behavior for children, both in how they handle challenges and in their overall approach to life. Her message encourages using real-life examples to show that everyone is a work in progress and that it's okay not to be perfect.

Roxy Manning emphasizes positive relationships in parenting, highlighting acceptance, understanding, and compromise. She stresses the importance of being aware of one's needs, attuning to the other person's needs, fostering trust, and encouraging open communication, especially with children. The approach involves a balance between meeting both sets of needs for a healthier dynamic.

Roxy Manning discusses the distinction between group purpose and group agreements. Group purpose is identified as the reason for gathering, such as learning to facilitate groups with a focus on inclusion and contribution. Group agreements are the policies or intentions to support the purpose, like creating space for all voices or forming affinity groups to address identity-specific challenges. The emphasis is on how agreements facilitate the manifestation of the group's purpose.

What would it be like if we raised children who already knew how to be inclusive, who already understood climate change, and who knew that they had a role in keeping our planet liveable? Roxy Manning believes that how we parent can support the next generation in showing up with an innate connection to Social Change.

In a workshop, a hesitant white neurodivergent man faced a triggering reaction from a Global Majority transgender man. Uncovering their backgrounds, the facilitator addressed family dynamics and exclusion. A repair exercise fostered empathy, challenging assumptions and emphasizing the importance of equitable facilitation for a richer group experience.

When a person of color (A.K.A. a person from the Global Majority, or GM) tells a marginalization story that triggers a defensive response from a white participant in a group, to foster awareness and healing, leaders can address the white person's distress with empathy, highlighting the common dynamic of prioritizing white pain. From there, leaders can offer GM participants opportunity to share their experience and make requests of the group.

How do you navigate tension around honoring all aspects of your experience, as you express yourself within your community, and seek to take action that supports your vision for yourself and your people? How do you attend to your self-determination while honoring others’ path? Read on for an example of how the authors navigated this in response to tensions in NVC trainer community that included requests for her to self silence.

Have you ever been in a meeting where the agenda is full and someone gets triggered? Did you get stuck in an empathy spiral and a never ending meeting? Roxy Manning shares the difference between healing empathy functional empathy.

Certified CNVC trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, answers a question: how do we use the term "harm" in NVC? Think of the word "harm" as an unmet need, practice observation to identify the need or needs that are not met.

Certified CNVC trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, answers a question: how to create a safe space for a first time group working on power and privileges ?

Certified CNVC Trainer Roxy Manning, Phd, shares three steps on how to reflect on what needs are being served when deciding to implement a strategy.

Many people consider a true observation as something that all can agree on. Some people use the video camera analogy – a true observation is “what a video camera can see and hear.” This perpetuates the myth of the neutral, unbiased observer. There are three layers of observation: External, Internal, and Systemic. Understanding these layers is key to connecting with the depth of the needs, and to create greater shared understanding.