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NVC Resources on Feelings

  1. Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

    Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

    LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 3 - 5 minutes · 8/21/2019

    Some arguments stay stuck because each person thinks it's about the content of the argument, rather than the needs each person is attempting to protect. When the needs get attached to the strategies a "no way out" scenario gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to creating empathic connection.

  2. NVC Flow

    NVC Flow

    An Illustrated Diagram

    Peggy Smith

    Learning Tools · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/11/2019

    This single-page handout illustrates the steps to translating habitual judgments and actions into observations, feelings, needs, and requests (OFNR).

  3. Needs Cards

    Needs Cards

    Peggy Smith

    Learning Tools · 1 - 2 minutes · 9/12/2019

    Print-and-cut these 71 needs cards for one-on-one, partner or group activities, to help support the pratice of empathy. Includes nine blank cards for you to customize.

  4. Cross Privilege Dialogues

    Cross Privilege Dialogues

    Avoiding the Trap of Centering Yourself When You Have More Privilege

    Roxy Manning

    Articles · 12 - 18 minutes · 7/31/2023

    When supporting someone with less privilege, first check with them how you can support.  If you're reacting more strongly to their undesirable experience than they are, this then shifts the dynamic so that they're setting aside what they want to attend to your feelings and needs - this may become work that they didn't sign up for.  Read on for what to do instead to support more equity.

  5. Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

    Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic

    LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

    Articles · 4 - 6 minutes · 12/7/2020

    The pandemic asks us to examine the way we have always done things. It asks to try something new and notice what happens. This is an opportunity to ask why you have done holidays in a certain way and what needs it met to do it that way. Perhaps it is an opportunity to experiment and see what new things might arise. Read on for questions to ask yourself that might help you process your triggers, "should's", feelings, needs and dilemmas.

  6. When someone responds with painful sarcasm, criticism, or dismissal you can respond with empathy, or with clarity about your intention, need and request. If you're unable to do this, later you can privately write what they said, identify the feelings and needs of both of you, then write possible responses. This can help you remember to stay with your intention and what’s true for you without getting caught in defensiveness or reactivity.

  7. NVC Life Hacks 35

    NVC Life Hacks 35

    Hearing a difficult message

    Shantigarbha Warren

    Video · 12 minutes · 02/08/2023

    Being put on the spot or confronted in an unexpected way can be an unpleasant experience to have. Even more so during lockdown when meetings are held on Zoom.

    In Life Hack 35 we're exploring the feelings that come up from hearing a difficult message as well as ways you can respond. Esme recently had this experience and offered to record a one on one session with Gesine to explore the situation.

  8. Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

    Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

    LaShelle Lowe-Chardé

    Practice Exercises · 3 - 5 minutes · 12/23/2021

    In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment, from which next steps can arise.

  9. Working With Anger

    Working With Anger

    An Exercise

    Inbal Kashtan, Miki Kashtan

    Practice Exercises · 2 - 3 minutes · 1/22/2022

    Fully connecting to the deeper need under the anger can transform and release the anger, without requiring the other person to do anything differently. From there, you can reach an understanding of the other person's experience, feelings and needs underlying the actions that stimulated your anger to re-establish connection with your own and the other person's humanity.

  10. When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. So we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's unworkable. But depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs, actions and dialogue may support us.

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