Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you could not see a good option, no matter how hard you looked? Or have you ever done something you felt ashamed or embarrassed about and struggled to release the shame?
Recently, I was telling a childhood story to some friends. It had us all laughing (a very welcome moment!), and it also got me reflecting about honesty and authenticity. Here’s the story:
When you and the people you love keep getting into the same argument again and again with no resolution or change, it can feel deeply distressing. It may even be challenging to hold on to hope. Realizing what trauma is – a phenomenon that affects us all – increases your self-compassion and gives you solid ground to stand on. Then, when you begin to integrate the tool of unconscious contract work, you can become intimate with your own survival strategies and those of the people you love.
In this enlightening Trainer Conversation, three veteran CNVC Certified Trainers discuss whether NVC can be learned without first learning Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests (OFNR). The conversation naturally meanders as the trainers grapple with the question, eventually covering a wide-range of topics including the spirituality and true essence of NVC.
When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the question with a trusted person or in a journal. Read on for examples.
Use this worksheet to check to see if you’re making a request, rather than a demand. Clarify and connect your request to your needs. Check your motivations. Use a phrase, question, or empathy guess to connect to the person if they say “no”. See sample requests for actions, offers, and for deepening understanding.
