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NVC Resources on Connection

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Getting Out of Ourselves

Trainer Tip If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening. —Marge Piercy I spent most of my life obsessing about myself and my needs. I thought I was a caring person, but I rarely contributed to anyone else’s life unless it was convenient for me. I had a mentor once who told me that I spent too much time thinking about my own comfort and not enough time considering other...
Change Happens

Trainer Tip We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden. —Goethe I used to think that people were supposed to feel and show little emotion. So I set out to be “even,” as I put it. I thought the best way to achieve this was to be “stable,” which to me meant to stagnate. I felt joy about things only for a short while. Then I wondered if I would ever be happy and if I...
Finding Reasons to Celebrate

Trainer Tip You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. —Florida Scott-Maxwell I used to think that celebrations were only in order when something big occurred, such as a birthday, graduation, or wedding. Consequently, I didn’t celebrate very often, and I frequently wondered if my situations warranted celebration. I often felt unworthy. Now, I see that all of life is...
Privilege and Needs - Part 1

There's the real need. And then there's the privilege that’s offered as a substitute for it. Privilege substitutes support the existing structure of society. It can look to us as if giving up the privilege would amount to giving up everything -- if we don't believe the real needs can even be experienced. If we connected directly to the needs, we could become subversive, agents of change. Read...
The Radical Act of Reclaiming Attention

Given all that we are facing today as a society and a species, amongst some of the things we need is a well nourished heart. To nourish our hearts we need to discern where to wisely put our attention. Here are three practices to reclaim your attention, and replenish your reserves, so that you have the inner resources to do the work that is calling you. They are: train the mind, nourish the...
NVC Life Hacks 36

How can Nonviolent Communication practices support us when we're feeling depressed? Taking a look at some characteristics of depression and how they're linked to unmet needs, we offer some steps to take that help you reconnect with life and others. Keywords: Trainer Tip Shantigarbha Warren depression feelings strategies unmet needs needs not met needs consciousness
Approaching a Difficult Conversation

How do you repair a relationship when you've already said things you regret, and want to reconnect with explaining or defending yourself? Listen as Miki Kashtan offers two valuable tips. This is an excerpt from Miki Kashtan's 7 part course Naturalizing NVC Language, which is also available in the NVC Library. Access the complete 7-part course Keywords Miki Kashtan naturalizing NVC regret fear...
From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

You value generosity and you often give easily from the heart. There are those times, however, when you get snagged by a sense of obligation. You feel tense and resentful. You don't want to continue with this attitude, but how can you reconnect with the desire to give from the heart? Let’s touch on three essential elements that support giving from the heart: choice, mourning, and acceptance....
Responding to Anger

When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite...
Feelings vs Interpretations

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations. See this learning tool Keywords: feelings faux feelings...