Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

Whether privileged or not, its not easy to see the humanity of others in different social locations, especially if their actions have unwanted impacts and have left behind our humanity. Aiming for “both sides hearing each other” empathically, and to focus on effect rather than intent when we have more privilege, may theoretically lead to liberation. Yet, in practice it can reinforce rather than transcend power differences -- unless there's specific ways to focus attention and choice. Here, its important to transform expectations into working with willingness, and within our own terms and timetable.

The word "privilege" signifies the benefit to the person having it, and the relationship between that person’s benefit and others' lack of benefit. When privileged, there are incentives to not see this interdependent link. For instance, it's easier for the wealthy to think of the poverty of many and the wealth of some are unrelated. If the wealthy want to keep wealth they would need to continue with approaches rooted in this separation.

Whether we have more or less power and privilege, anything without liberation for all is within patriarchal separation, and will continue cycles of oppression. To liberate ourselves and one another we need to increase our collective capacity through developing related knowledge, skills, research; build an understanding of patriarchal roots; confront lovingly; co-hold dilemmas about privilege; co-shape outcomes; etc.

When we have privilege, we can have access to resources resulting from legal or social norms related to membership in a group -- independent of any (in)action, awareness of the disparity, the potential benefits to us, or the costs to others. Unhelpful ways of engaging with privilege are: denial/invisibility, guilt/shame, defensiveness, and entitlement. Helpful ways of engaging are: owning privilege, learning about privilege, opening to feedback, and stewarding privilege for benefit of all. To be helpful we need to engage with necessary (rather than unnecessary) discomfort.

Struggling to say "no"? Here are ways you change your adjacent mind patterns. First, note the differences between those who respect boundaries and those who often don't. Second, review situations in which you lost track of your choice. And rehearse what it would sound, look, and feel like if you kept connection to your choice. Third, seek validation of your experience - from a grounded and mindful (non-reactive) state.

Blame is opaque when we don’t reflect on it deeply. We blame when we don’t see ourselves as having power to shape things, and see others as the ones who can. Blame and how we respond to it, is both a symptom of inability to step into power, and an impediment to empowered relationships. Transforming blame requires self-responsibility. Read on for practices involving empathy, inner connection, power, preparation and engaging options.

Who are you not use to caring about? Is it those you classify as "other"? Those you disagree with? The lower class? People in power? Those who inflict harm? Yourself? To include everyone's needs fully, not instead of your needs, can transform the either/or paradigm. It can also help us to go beyond so-called "codependency". And it can support us all to live more sustainably on this planet.

When an entity or system has authority or power and mandates something we don't agree with we may submit or to rebel. If we submit, we give in or give up, often out of fear. If we rebel, we're in reactivity which may not help our cause, and reduce our power. This may result in others' resentment, anger, and pain. Gandhi and Martin Luther King didn't submit nor rebel. Instead, they were in choice and advocated for their cause.

As we head towards impending collapse the relative ease, comfort and freedom of the global north will be harder to maintain. Because of growing anxiety including from people with systemic power, we can anticipate increasing attempts at authoritarian control over the population. We can see what's occurring now as dry run practice for what's coming soon. What may help us: finding choice, knowing when to choose death, and walking towards community and life.

Children often ask adults “Can I…?” This question is so common that we carry it with us into adulthood, often addressing each other in the same way -- and more so with those we see as authority figures. However, let's unpack how this phrasing can reaffirm power differences. And see how, instead, we can transform paradigms of power in a way that invites dialogue, and co-creates an outcome that we can mutually benefit from.