Robert Gonzales Training Legacy

Our everyday personal experiences of diminishment, and the destruction of our planet has a through-line. Societal traumas lead to us shutting down to avoid pain, and this limits us. The avoidance shifts our brains so we don’t see other beings, species and our planet as wondrous, precious and irreplaceable. Thus, we meet others with diminishment, oblivion, or abuse; trauma keeps passing on. This leads to being blind and mute, and to othering based on social location, and to destruction of our planet.

The highest leverage point for effective meetings is preparing with self inquiry. Before saying something, we can ask ourselves about who this is serving, what needs it serves to say it, if there is a request we want to make, how to make the request actionable, and more. If more people at meetings do this, it can reduce the overall number of tangents we experience at meetings.

Trainer Tip: Thinking someone is bad, wrong, or evil can make it more difficult to connect with them. If we focus on this kind of thinking, we stay in the problem or conflict. The minute we step out of judgement and listen for the needs underlying their actions, we begin working for the solution. Put your focus in the direction of the result you want. Read on for an example.

Even those who practice NVC can repeat old patterns of thinking, believing, feeling, and behaving. If they do, but still use ‘NVC language’ others may think the issue is NVC rather than the person’s capacity. This week, notice even a small instance where someone is against something you suggest. To build trust and connection, experiment with offering empathy or asking them to share what they think, feel, or need.

Trainer Tip: Whether there is the potential of physical or emotional violence, listening deeply to the underlying needs of the people in conflict can be swift, direct, and healing. Look for opportunities to defuse conflicts by reflecting the feelings and needs of the other person.

Some questions will take you deeper and deeper to universal human needs when you toggle between them. Questions like “What do I need?”, “If I had that, then what would I have?”, and “If I had that, what would that give me?”

This one page colour handout illustrates the focus options or intention options for connection: empathy (verbal and non-verbal), self expression, and self connection (opening our heart to self and/or others). It also offers some suggestions for how to say these things to self and others.

Trainer Tip: Requests include a specific action to help us get our needs met. If we have a complaint or in conflict, and we don’t make specific requests, people are left guessing and/or wondering about what will meet our needs. Our chances for getting our needs met can then become limited. Instead, try ending with a request to let the other person know exactly what you would like to happen.

Sometimes life gets so busy that even the things you enjoy seem to go by without you receiving that feeling of joy. It's important that even when we are busy to celebrate life to the full. In this month's Life Hack Gesine explores 7 things to keep in mind when remembering to celebrating life.

When you attempt to make a request what limiting beliefs come up? See if you recognize any from this list. Then compassionately observe your body sensations, impulses, feelings, needs, memories, energy, and images. In making the request ensure your request is connected to your needs, is doable, what you want, and not attached to them saying yes.