Trainer Tip: When do we move from using the formal 4-step process of NVC to a more idiomatic, natural-sounding expression? Whenever we're ready! Trainer Tip Every thought is new when an author expressesit in a manner peculiar to himself.—Marquis de Vauvenargues Do you sometimes feel awkward when you use the four components of Compassionate Communication (observation, feeling, need, request)? The four components are a tool to help people interact with others in a connected and compassionate manner. Formal use of the language is very valuable for people just learning the Compassionate Communication process. However, the true foundation of Compassionate Communication is to maintain a consciousness that values everyone’s needs. If you can truly maintain that consciousness without using the formality of the four components, go for it! For example, formal use of the four components might be: “When you make applesauce with sugar, and I’m allergic to sugar, I feel frustrated and confused, because I value my health. Would you be willing to make another batch for me that doesn’t have sugar?” Idiomatic Compassionate Communication could sound like this: “Your applesauce has sugar in it? Oh, I’m really bummed because I was excited about having some, but I get sick when I eat sugar. How would you feel about making a small batch without sugar for me?” Both methods mentioned an observation, feeling, need, and request. To some, the second method would sound more fitting for everyday conversation. Both of them, however, are honest and connecting. Be aware of when you are using idiomatic or formalCompassionate Communication today. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: expression feelings honesty needs requests love relationships honest expression vulnerability naturalizing NVC street nvc street giraffe Mary Mackenzie